啟程

三月廿九日
終於到了出發的日子。

就是這幾個兄弟要陪住我幾個月la

重有這一百多張的笑臉。

相隔了半年，又在到達這個機場。桃花依舊，人面全非。

出發之前重有一段是插曲，就是起飛之前忽然狂風大作，行雷閃電，還掛上黃色暴雨警告。同一時候，機艙之中就是這樣的情景。

不知道甚麼原因就不停的噴出白煙，活像是納椊的毒氣室。幸好其實是無毒無味的，只是所有的乘客都大驚了。

出發之前就已經這樣精彩，以後的旅程又會怎樣呢？

時間

俗事繁多，時間無多，廢話少說.........


I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.


-Jack London

視界(二)

本來以為有一段時間都不會再開這一個系列，結果因為環評官司的事跟老爸吵起來，於是就有了興致寫下去。

直入正題，我懷疑老爸這一種的心態形成，是因為他成長的環境，根本就沒有法治(rule by law)的概念。回想過去這一百年，中國（和大中華區）大部分時間都沒有法治可言，從民國年代的軍閥混戰，日軍在中國橫行。父親生活著的地方有充滿政治風波的大陸，和在英國威權統治的香港，同時期還有戒嚴中的台灣。在他們的年代，法律沒有有效的運行過，更不用說法律的精神和意義。

法治的缺位，則是由＂政治＂來補充。不同法治所有的超然性－這是以追求公平的目的－＂政治＂沒有固定的原則，其合法性是以勢力為原則。軍閥混戰年代是以軍力成為勢力，中共建政後，軍隊歸黨，政治就變成了爭奪黨內的權力。在香港，權力則是從英政府官僚手中，慢慢流向大企業主手上。這樣的政治注定是有缺陷的－沒有人以為公理公平是一回事，反正都是上面的大人物說就是，小市民就只有跟從的份。政治成為了一樣人民不敢碰（沒有實力的話必然粉身碎骨），也不屑去碰（因為大家都看到的倒行逆施）的東西。

然而，在真正實行法治的地方，法律是處理市民政府社會之間衝突的工具。政治無可避免的沾上法律。在政治風波活過來的老一代，而舊有的框架下去看今時今日的政治，就會得出＂法律是政治的玩具＂，＂法律只是用來保護有錢人＂的結論。一來是出於對政治的厭惡，也是因為他們不懂／不屑去利用法律去保障自己的利益。對他們來說，法治從來都不存在的。

隨手寫

本來說每日一篇，但經常沒有寫。
除了時間問題外，另一個原因是養成了跑到拉把看信報的習慣。(通常一面在拉把的Quad Core電腦run program,同時在lg1聽classic)，即使看到好文章也沒能即時share出來。
話說過來，信報是一份好的報紙-那是說他的報導文章比較合理，講証據，而非訴諸文椊。但坦白說，很多道理都是不証自明，多看一點就發覺好的論點都是差不多，不太有啟發性。以梁道長的說法，這不是閱讀.......
當然，以香港媒體來說，還是不錯的，而且立場也是比較中立的。

(測試一下，如果沒有在fb share出來，究竟有沒有人會到這一篇。)

彩虹

其實落雨又有乜野好怕


廢事比人話呃POST.......我都係寫多幾句
工作算係順左D.......
最正係我老闆以為我做唔到野,叫我轉方向的時候
我就做到Result 比佢睇.......希望唔使Defer la

不過其實都重係HEA MODE緊~~~~
呃完POST

思考,回歸

回歸:
打算以後每日一文,可以係生活短感(中英不限)之類,沒有的時候就是新聞短評(英文)
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思考:
這幾天腦袋不停的在想不同類型的問題,在這裡記一下
對我來說,獨自一個人生活好,還是兩個人,或是更多人一起生活好呢?
一個人的時候是很寂寞,但是有時就是在享受那種孤寂,還有獨斷獨行的自由
兩個人的時候,享受著被心中的負擔交給其他人的感覺,但是這種依賴的感覺是自私,是幻象?
一大群在一起的,很熱鬧,有一種思想交流併發出來的感覺,但是很清楚,所有人還是有一種隔膜

又想起一樣觀察
像我這種人其實是很羨慕那些一家人好Close的感覺
見到父母和子女有講有笑,兄弟姐妹互相扶持那一種
這跟我家裡的情況和少時的經歷有關嗎?
我的家庭是完整,但是充滿著隔膜
關心是存在的,但全部人都不懂得去表達
出來的樣子是歪曲的
有時真的覺得,這就是像宿舍一樣嗎?
最近發生了一件事,其實我是很心淡的
恍惚我所做的,所渇望的,一切都是白費心機
那個只是我一個人的夢想
可能我應該一早發覺
雖然,這個我也有責任
我錯的真的不少
我對細佬的過分嚴格明顯是錯誤的

白費心機的是否只一樣?
最近的世界變得很模糊
我所做的,所走的路是否正確?
無人答到這個問題?
那再執著下去有沒有意思?
不知道

工作上還是那個樣子,沒有大的進展,甚至開始落後了
我害怕的,是那團火沒有了
那團火正在乾燒,但好像快沒有燃料了
還有,這樣下去,就算可以燒下去,我又可以去到那裡呢
轉方向吧?那轉去那裡呢?
搞金融,你夠人鬥嗎?
搞Program,你就哂氣LA
搞Earth Science,都唔知有無前途
清醒一點吧,那些好大喜功的夢想
和這個現實裡是行不通的
我恨我的弱小,沒有能力去面對未知的世界
更實現不到我的理想

說起理想,我的理想又是甚麼呢?
其實又是模糊
不會是朝九晚五在寫字樓
可能是在一個山中,天氣晴朗,風景怡人的地方生活
每天都可以和不同的人打交道
學到,認識到有趣的東西,
再把我知道的東西教給其他人
幫助其他人
還有餘裕給自己思考
可能做老師也不錯
有空的話還可以去下旅行

我真是在發夢,
這樣的理想在香港又怎能成真
香港好焗,不只是天氣
政局日非,反智的事何其多
經濟上則是一面倒跟大陸融合
只有金融炒樓自由行
鬧,已經無力鬧
那不如移民LA.......
移去邊AR?發夢LA

真係移你又可以去邊?
發展左的歐洲美國容納唔到你
種族岐視,加上文化差異,你接唔接受到先
想發達的話
去東南亞,印度非洲LOR
都係要去捱

其實,我可能只是想逃脫這個現實

我追求的,究竟是不是我想追求的
那一刹那的花火,真實的還是虛構的
是自己的一廂情願?
等待還是行動
又可以有甚麼行動
難道只能夠在懊悔
懊悔時不與我
懊悔自己的多次失誤
懊悔自己的錯失良機
理性告訴我,這種懊惱只會再令我犯下更多的失誤
甚至這種懊悔是會摧毀那個感覺
這種懊悔是於事無補,甚至是一種毒藥
但我不能把這懊悔趕出腦海
現在,我已分不清在我腦海中的,
是那一晚的花火,還是心中的懊悔
究竟我是為著哪一樣東西而行動?
難道兩者已是連為一體?

不免想起過去的事情
難道我還是在懷念著那種溫暖?
也許吧.......
但每一次想起那種溫暖,都有一陣痛......
那自找的痛楚
那我以為淡忘了的痛楚
痛楚過後,又是另外的懊悔......

遲疑引起懊悔,懊悔引起懦弱,懦弱引起遲疑.......
惡性循環,惡性循環
拖延症是最難頑劣的疾病

"Because it is COOL!"- Review on The Social Network and a Random thought

In fact I have watched the for a long time but finally I pick up my mind now....... Someone has told me that this movie is "boring". It is reasonable in a sense as it has no attractive action and effect of course, but it also has no climax-It is a plain narrative of the development of FB. However, I felt the tension lying within the story-the sparkling of ideas, the change of Zucherburg, the founder of Facebook, and also his passion. I have not felt bored even one minute in the movie. If you have not watched this, I would recommend this movie to you.

Somehow the movie touched one point in my mind. Zucherburg in the movie insisted Facebook should be advertisement-free when his partner disagreed and want to make a profit from it. Zucherburg gave a reason, "As it is not COOL". In fact, that's how Zuckerburg different from the others. When others considered Facebook as a business, it was not wrong to make a profit. But Zuckerburg didn't, he wanted to make something cool- so cool that it can change the world. He was not a business but an artist. And the world paid his persistence with fame and money-not so important to him. Anyway, it is  a COOL thing.

Suddenly I understand why my interest towards Physics is diminishing. It is no longer COOL for me-at least not as cool as it was. I can master Physics quite well in UG level. But I am not making it COOL. After studying in PG (or more precisely, UG Year 3), I realized the material is becoming more and more demanding. I have no confidence to make something COOL in Physics with my weak background and limited wisdom. And I am not talented (or motivated) enough to be a outstanding researcher. And you can see the guys around you- smart, motivated, and enjoying. It can be a threatening sign to myself.

There is no standard to judge something is cool or not. But you will know this. Try a little experiment. When you meet a new friend, think about how you introduce yourself. Usually we will come up the most important identity first-which is COOL- in your sense. And when you talk about your life, what would you talk about? It is usually some experience that you appreciate, aka COOL. If you are a researcher, do you try to introduce your research to a stranger in layman term enthusiastically? If you do so, I believe you are qualified as a researcher.

But it is not the case for me. I would rather to mention my experience in Cambodia service trip or life on Jersey Island. I may talk about my political view or reading habit. But I seldom talk about my research- I think it is the root of the problem.

ps: I notice that the name "Zuckerburg" is "Zucker" + "Burg", which mean Sugar and Castle in German.
ps2: Somehow the movie dramatize the reality, of course.

Game between TAs and Students

Marking Class Work.......

Sometimes, it is really troublesome. I always hope that student can answer correctly, write clearly so that I can mark it easily and quickly. The most terrible one are usually those with lots of correction, lengthly explanation but a wrong ans. (sometime I am more lenient to those answer correctly). You have to go through all their steps to understand their logic flows (if any), their meaning, understanding and misunderstanding. It is a tough work indeed.

However, I am not going to blame this on my students. When I was a student (and Yes, I am still a student), I am always the one who handed in messy HWs and question papers, writing irrational statements without logic flow in order to cheat  for a few extra marks. Blaming them is in fact blaming myself. And my statue is quite strange-I am TA and also student. (well, not exactly, at least not in the same course.)

Maybe I should learn to write more neatly. I think I am quite sorry for Alan, who have to mark my PHYS520 paper (if he is not going to give me a duck egg and big red cross.)

WTF

http://forum1.hkgolden.com/view.aspx?type=ST&message=2626074&page=5&highlight_id=0

Comics Read Recently

Bakuman: The struggle of two high school boys towards the dream as a cartoonist. Simple plot but encouraging indeed.

Suicide Island: Japanese Government send those who tried committing suicide on a isolated island. The stories of the surviver illustrates the reality of humanity.

Well, I don't know how I can spend time on comics rather than tasks......

18/10/2010

To-do list:

1. PHYS111 Webwork 2 
2. PHYS111 Classwork 1 marking
3. PHYS520 Midterm
4. PhD Qualifying Exam (well......I am not a PhD student, so there is no consequence if I fail)
5. RESEARCH

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To-Watch List:

 

1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
2. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
3. 告白

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Freaking touching song indeed......

One Month.......

It is one month since the commence of the semester.

I have to new positions to take up:
MPhil Student
Teaching Assistant
Researcher

After one month, I found that I was fail in all these........ As a student, I do not learn much. I don't have even started researching.......  I have "hea" for too long already......

I have asked myself about the reason why I want to be in RPG. For Physics? Not really, at least it is not the only reason. I enjoy learning Physics, thinking in the way as a physicist. But considering physicist as my career seems to be too far away from me, with my limited wisdom and persistence.

I want to experience more in my life. During my three-year UG study in HKUST, I find that I have experienced more. I have made news friends, both local, mainland and foreign student. I have traveled to Jersey with my friends. I tried to take up the responsibility as a leader. I have experienced a lot as a volunteer in Cambodia. At the same time, I am learning the reality of life- both the bright side and dark side.

Maybe it is the thing I want. The reason that I still want to stay here is to experience more, as a student. So I must grip these two years, I promise.

Confused

There are quite a few fays since the last post. In fact I have done a lot of interesting things in these days. But I have no mood about writing them down. Suddenly I am confused. Confused about the current way. What have I done? Am I on the right way? I have no mood and brave to carry on.......

I will write in one or two days, I promised.

Upset...... due to the rainy days/ Wiley the great

Rain makes me down indeed.

I cannot go hiking.

The sound of rain make me confused.

The gloomy atmosphere make me suffocated.

...

Especially when you lost your earphone, became all wet and made no progress in your work.

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As the TA of PHYS111, I registered in Wiley's website.

And I got:

OTZ.......I am upgraded.

And several days later, I received this:

You can see a FEDEX box coming to my office.

And the thing insides is:

I understand why ppl love to be prof now.

IT IS PROFESSOR!!!

Gathering with Phys Ocamp guys~~

Yesterday we went to Saizeriya Italian Restaurant for dinner. It is a economical and quite nice restaurant from Japan which make "Italian Food", not quite Italian but quite delicious indeed. Usually you have to wait a long time as it is so popular. But it was okay in weekday like yesterday.

Sorry I could not take too many photo. It was difficult for me to withstand my desire to clean the dishes immediately.

Pizza and spaggetti are excellent. But I warn you that you should not have rice or risotto here. You will feel sorry.:-(

After making everyone full, we had to pay for $38 each. Shocked :-0

Later we went to 聰嫂私房甜品 (Ms Chung's Dessert). It is a nice dessert restaurant.......unless you make a wrong choice.......

This black, dirty and terrible stuff is called "薑汁意大利涼粉" (Italian Sweet Spaghetti with ginger juice). I can sure that it is the most awful dessert I have ever had.

First two days in PG

Wed

No lesson, just appear at PHYS111 lecture

It seems that I become M Wong's IT technician.

Check in Hall finally.

Thurs

Quote of Today:

Economics is so difficult because it does not have conservation law.- by Sheng Ping 

LANG051

Meet Michelle (my German teacher in summer) again

She is my teacher again ^^

Stuff is similar to the one I have in summer=.=

Lunch

very cheap spaghetti, $15 only
met several new friends

LANG500

BRAVO! no lesson

PHYS581

Content is OK

Lesson is so boring. I wanna sleep at class.

PHYS520

I have never imagined EM can be taught in such interesting way.......

But there are so many  (Crazy) guys there.......

Holy shit! my computer is currently jammed by simulation......extremely slow now=.=

It is the END of BEGINNING

It is the first day of Sept. I am no longer a UG student but a MPhil Physics student. Have I imagined what I am doing now when I was a freshman three years before? Properly not.

I have three fruitful years in UST. I become more curious to the world. I enjoy parties with Math guys. I love making new friends in classes and activities. The breeze from beaches on Jersey Island relieve my pressure.The experience in Cambodia trip gives me a new aim in my life. Surely there are some hard times for me. Overnight working become part of my life. The Fall Sem in Year Three was a disaster. Anyway, difficulties make me tough. Confusion towards my life leads me to the road for a value-seeking journey.

Now, it is not the end of the journey. It is just the END of BEGINNING of my journey.

(You may ask why I write in English. It just marks the start of a new period.)